Saturday, July 30, 2011

just three of us

On Thursday, our eldest daughter went with Auntie and Cousin to visit her grandparents in Pennsylvania. There was a lot of anticipation leading up to her departure. I was particularly worried about how Genevieve would handle Mira's disappearance. I was also sad about how quiet it would be without her cheerful and constant chatter. I was terribly sad when we loaded her into the car, she barely had time to acknowledge the goodbye due to her excitement. Just before she was strapped to her seat I asked, "what about my hug?" My hilarious daughter opened her arms wide (while seated) and said in a deeper voice, "come here Mom." She patted my back, I died.

We took Genevieve out to dinner. Just pizza but it's good pizza. We came home, got her to bed and I read the book Red Bird of Mary Oliver's poetry until I finished it. The house didn't seem depressing, but it did seem different.

Missing Mira is a peculiar thing. She's a busy girl, she likes to do hair, visit the park, play with her dolls and the girls across the street. She watches our iPad and gets books out reading to her toys. She has a wonderful imagination and she lights up when I make something for her or we talk about projects and working on things together. She's a fabulous collaborator and a fierce protector.

In her absence I've been able to spend a lot of wonderful time with the tireless Genevieve. She's about 21 months and about as active as I imagine little boys to be. She can deconstruct a room with fierce determination in the moment it takes you to load a washing machine. She wants to sing "rock-a-baby" at nigh-nigh time. Her vocabulary is growing immensely. So quickly, she always asks "what's this?" and she repeats the words, goes back to the items. She is constantly learning it seems. It makes me wonder if Mira learned in spite of our ignorance. I call Genevieve and she answers, "coming Mommy." She holds my hand as we walk through the house, she is quick to hug and love and mimic everything we do. Maybe I didn't notice as much when we had Mira first, because everything was so new and I knew what amounted to nothing. But now, with Genevieve I particularly notice how similar the girls are and how purely sweet and mostly considerate of each other they are, for now.

And it is for these girls, these people that make me worry about the future of the world that I sew constantly lately. I have doubts and reservations about the time I spend preoccupied thinking of what pattern to make next, which fabrics to pull together, or which projects to invent from scratch. But I am immensely fulfilled by the creativity as it comes in like the tide. It is indeed, sweet satisfaction through sewing and I am grateful for the path my life has taken.
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